A frank talk about AIDS

AIDS....everyone is afraid of "catching" it when in reality it would be easy for it to affect all of us.

AIDS--Ambulance Induced Divorce Syndrome. Those of you in the business know exactly what I'm talking about. It's the reason that we have a 60-70% divorce rate in public safety/EMS/Fire. It's the reason that my brothers and sisters in EMS lose their families and their lives TWO to THREE times more frequently than the rest of the married people in the United States.

The sad fact is that while we are out saving lives and protecting the public, our marriages and home lives are falling apart at the seams. The long hours, being subject to recall during a disaster, the stress of what we see on a daily basis all takes a toll on our marriages. Sometimes I think it helps if we have a spouse in the same field, sometimes I think it makes it worse.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some I made knowing that I was making them. Many I found out after I made them. All I learned something from. My first marriage died a slow painful death because we both neglected it. We grew apart and didn't know it was happening at the time. Paramedic school and a move across the country didn't help, either. By the time we realized we were in trouble, it was too late.

We tried counseling. But my ex didn't understand the long hours at work, the fact that I spent more time with the opposite sex at work than at home, that sometimes bad shit happened at work that I didn't want to talk about with my spouse. I wanted to talk about it with people who knew how I felt when I did CPR on a 3 week old. It's hard to explain that to someone who doesn't do the same job. It's sometimes more painful to talk about it than it is to be with others who have been on the call with you.

I've made a lot of mistakes. I lost my marriage and my career over some of those mistakes. I've been single for 4 years because of some of those choices I've made. But I understand now that some of those choices and mistakes lead to the best thing that life has to offer. I never would have known what I was made of if I hadn't been through the past few months worth of trials in my personal life. I never would have met the love of my life and the person that I want to share and spend the rest of my life with if I hadn't had to go through the past few months alone, wondering if I was going to be ok and worrying about paying my mortgage and my bills.

I know that everything happens for a reason. It's believing in that until the reasons show up and smack you in the face that takes some getting used to.

I don't know what the answer is to the AIDS epidemic facing our nation's first responders. I do know that sympathy AND empathy from our loved ones is needed. We will talk when we are ready, don't push us to spill our feelings. Sometimes it takes us a bit longer to process those feelings and thoughts.

Please don't accuse of of having an affair with every member of the opposite sex that we work with. That lack of trust slowly erodes our desire to come home and be faithful. The lack of faith in our responsibilities to our families and our marriages slowly eats away until we are tired of being accused of things that we aren't doing.

It is our responsibility as providers to take care of ourselves FIRST. We can't take care of others if we aren't in top shape. I've learned that the hard way. We must ask for help and be willing to accept it when it's offered.

Don't let AIDS affect your life and your family. Protect yourself.