Night and Day, Day and Night?

I'm sitting here at 12:15 AM in the living room of my Mother's house. Sitting on the couch...I just finished uploading to my facebook account some holiday pictures that were taken over the last few days.

The monkey has been kicking, rolling around, and in general, having a party inside her uterine home for the past few hours.

DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS BEDTIME????

She has done nothing all day. NOTHING. Not a twitch, kick, punch, or roll.

Now that it is time for bed, she seems to be waking up and deciding that it is time to play with Mom. Thankfully, right now her movements are not strong or forceful enough to keep me awake at all. I know that will change in a few weeks, though so I just laugh now as I sit here and she steps on my bladder like a trampoline.

I hope she figures out night and day by the time she is born...

Things I wish I would have known BEFORE getting pregnant

I've compiled a list of things that I wish someone (anyone) would have told me before I got knocked up...

That I'd cry and cry for no reason at all.

That I'd be bitchy and irritable and lose my patience constantly.

That I can't poop except once a week even with taking something and eating so many veggies I think I'll turn into a celery stick.

That I'd crave things I haven't eaten in over 20 years.

That I'd have to pee every 30 minutes.

That sneezing or farting could make me pee on myself.

That I'd have all sorts of strange aches and pains in my belly.

That I can only take Tylenol.

That you leak. From everywhere. 'Nuff said.

That my skin itches and there isn't anything that makes it stop.

That I have to pee. Constantly.

That I'd come to love and appreciate my child's Daddy more than I ever could imagine.

That the "Pregnancy Glow" is a freakin' myth.

That it takes you about 5 months (give or take) to look a little bit pregnant...the rest of the time it just looks like you've overindulged in the buffet line.

That people would treat me like I'm disabled and not just pregnant.

That hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time would be the most amazing thing in the entire world.

That I'd love my unborn child more than life itself.

Christmas Travels

Tomorrow, I will be on a plane to go see the new Grandma to be for Christmas. Although I know that I will have a great time, I will miss N very much. The week will fly by and soon I will be back to the "same shit, different day" routine.

So far, the monkey's kicking hasn't been enough to be felt from the outside but I'm so afraid that she will start while I'm gone and Daddy will miss feeling the first kicks.

N and I will do Christmas when I get back, sorta anti climactic when you really think about it, I guess. But, hey...it works and it extends the holidays a little bit longer. Will be looking forward to having our ultrasound shortly after I get back.

So just in case, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year (or Happy Hanukkah or Merry Kwanza or whatever else you celebrate) to all!

Baby's First Christmas

I bought a baby's first Christmas ornament last week and took it to N's last night. He hung it on the tree after a short discussion of whether this was truly "Baby's First Christmas" or not. We settled on "kinda". I did specifically buy one that didn't have the year printed on it, so we can buy a 2009 one next year for the little monkey...

And speaking of the little monkey, I think that she was trying to head butt me last night. Can they do that this early? It was strange feeling and not at all like the soft little jabs that I've been getting. It was like something was rolling over in my tummy.

Foot found growing in newborn's brain

Wow...Just wow. I'm speechless.

Foot found in newborn's brain

Kinda creepy if you ask me.

I'm gestating a kickboxer

For the sake of brevity until we know the gender of our love child, I will likely refer to the baby as "she" or "her"...

N says she just wants out. I saw it's too early and she needs to chill and hang out a little while longer.

Yesterday I was on my laptop chatting with N and trying to work as little as possible. I hadn't really felt any movement since that first night almost 2 weeks ago. Not that I was terribly worried, because it's still pretty early and I know that in a month or 2, I'll be begging her to stop.

I soon found my belly button under attack by a miniature fetal limb. It's not really a poking or a jabbing. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. But she kicked and punched my belly button for over an hour. N said "are you sure it's not gas?"

Yep. I'm sure.

Grandma (my mom) says, "well at least you know there's a baby in there and it's not just a tumor" as she laughs. I've heard all about my own acrobatics while in the womb...Apparently, I did headstands on my mom's bladder and pushed up on her diaphragm. Hey! I was just trying to have a little more space. I hear it gets crowded in there eventually.

It's kinda neat. I guess I should enjoy the gentle taps and pokes while I can, before she decides to really try to kick her way out of her uterine home.

I can't wait until her Daddy can feel her moving around, too. It's so amazing and I'm eager to share this part of monkey's gestation with him.

The Name Game

So, it was really easy to pick a girl's name.

N's Mom passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. And during the week from hell (between throwing up the first time and getting the positive pregnancy test), I decided that if we were indeed pregnant and we had a girl, I wanted to name her after his Mother. He cried when I told him that the day after we took "the test". I still have the text message saved on my phone where he proclaimed our potential baby girl's name as "absolutely f'ing perfect and beautiful". It was easy to pick a first name...after my Mom. So, if this monkey is a girl, she has had a name for over 4 months already.

Now, if monkey is a boy...I think we finally agreed on a name. I'm not 100% sold on the 2 names together, but I do love it. We had picked a name that I loved 2 months ago, but the more that we talked about it and the more I thought about it, I decided that I hated it. The middle name was pretty much set, as it is a way to honor both N and his Mom. But it was a little awkward to find a good solid first name that we could live with. We didn't want something too hard to pronounce or spell, nothing too wild and crazy, and we both liked names that could be shortened.

After much discussion and looking at a million different names, I think that we finally decided on a boy's name.

And I love it.

I say that we had such a difficult time selecting a boy's name because we won't need it...But N says it's always better to be prepared.

My kid is going to have his or her name forever...Just one more thing that N and I could really screw up. But I think that this time, we've done a damn good job.

Genetic Anomolies and Birth Defects

Yet again about my catty birth board...

Someone posted a comment about finding out her unborn child had a 1 in 5 chance of having down's syndrome based on her initial quad screening. Which means that her child has an 80% chance of being born "normal".

That's an absolutely perfectly normal worry and concern.

Then she posts something to the effect that if her ultrasound confirmed it, she and her husband had already decided to TERMINATE the pregnancy because they didn't want a "retarded" child.

I think my jaw about hit the floor.

A large portion of the reason that N and I refused the quad screening was because it is a screening tool and not a diagnostic tool. There is a high rate of false positives and you could very well spend the rest of your pregnancy worrying about nothing at all. And finding out that our child could potentially have a genetic defect would not change our minds one bit about loving and cherishing our child. It would not change the fact that this baby is very much wanted. We have no desire to terminate a baby even if baby is not 100% healthy and normal.

I don't know how well I'd do as the mother of a special needs child. I am not perfect and I have many flaws. But somehow, the odds of that were against us in simply getting pregnant makes me strongly feel that God somehow chose us to be parents of this particular child. Regardless of what his or her special needs may or may not be.

I am not a very socially or politically conservative person. However, somehow the thought of choosing to terminate a life that's growing inside me, that I've felt move, that I love more than life itself already just seems wrong. It's not my place to judge, especially since I'm not in her shoes. But I'd rather have my "not so" perfect child here for an hour or 2 days or a month to love and hold and cherish than to decide to terminate.

I still worry some. If this child does have special needs, I'd like us to have the opportunity to get prepared. Find the right doctors and become educated about our challenges. But we still have the ultrasound next month and major anatomical stuff will show up on that and we can then decide with our OB on further testing.

I can't imagine having to walk for one minute in the shoes of a parent faced with those decisions and options, though. Life truly is cruel sometimes.

Gender Disappointment

So there's a woman on my birth board (a really catty forum full of hormonal pregnant woman all due within the same month) who found out last week that she's not having a baby with the gender that she wants. She was asking how to "get over it" and that she was seriously considering giving up her child or something similar...I quit reading when it was obvious that she was serious.

Excuse me??? Is that not the shallowest thing you've ever heard? I can understand being a little disappointed, especially if you have had "feelings" that your baby is one sex of the other. I just know that this little monkey is a girl and I am not going to lie and say that I won't be at least a little bit disappointed if the baby turns out to be a boy. But, in the end...I don't really care as long as monkey is healthy. That's all that really matters.

To think that someone would want to give up their child because they are the wrong sex. Let's face it, life is FULL of disappointments. And throw a child into the mix and well, life happens. Your child may not turn out the way you want them to. They may choose a career or have a lifestyle that you aren't happy with. But you know what? You love them anyway, because they are your child.

Seems to me that if someone is that upset over the sex of their child, perhaps they are not mature enough to be having a child.

Advice

When you are pregnant, everyone feel like it's their place to give you advice. Advice on what to eat, what not to eat, what to wear, what to buy for the baby, what not to buy for the baby, and when to call the doctor...

I'm sick. I've got the stomach flu. I'll spare you all the gory details but I feel like crap. I finally kept down some food tonight but I've not been able to get that many fluids in me. The past few days, I've only managed to take in about 1 day's worth of fluids because I've been sleeping so much.

So, I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow, just to be on the safe side. With as much liquids as I've lost in the past 24 hours, I need to make sure the baby is OK. If only to calm my own worries.

Baby Flutters

I felt them last night for the first time. We were sitting in the truck in between calls and I was almost asleep.

I felt 3 quick taps right by my belly button. It felt like popcorn kernals popping in my belly.

It was so quick that I almost wonder if I imagined it...

Withdrawls

My cell phone isn't working right. I'm not getting 90% of the text messages that are being sent to me.

OH MY GOSH!!!

I'm gonna have withdrawls, I think. What will I do without the ability to communicate instantly with people? I can remember back about 10 years ago when I didn't even have a cell phone with text messaging. And now I send and receive up to 100 messages a day...

Damn, I'm gonna be bored.

DeCluttering....

I had grand plans for the day. I was going to clean out the office and start moving stuff around for when the baby comes.

And here it is, 7:30 PM and I've not gotten hardly anything done at all.

I did find a good sale at oldnavy.com and got a ton of maternity clothes for cheap with a 20% off code and a free shipping code. I spent most of my birthday money and I just hope that the stuff that I bought fits!

Then I actually spent several hours posting ads on Craigslist, trying to declutter some things and also make some money before the Monkey is born. I hope and pray that the economy brings out people looking for some great deals and that the holiday season brings out people looking for gifts...

I picked up some overtime tomorrow, so no decluttering. It will have to wait until Wednesday.

How does this make sense?

Last night, the only Level 1 Trauma Center in our area went on total diversion. Meaning they weren't accepting any new patients, INCLUDING the patients that fit the Level 1 Trauma criteria.

I guess I just don't understand how this can happen. I thought that part of receiving the designation meant that they couldn't divert Level 1 Trauma patients or refuse to accept them. Apparently, I was wrong since they were on diversion for several hours. The only people this hurts are those who desperately need the services of the Trauma Center.

What's the point in having a specialty center like a Level 1 Trauma Center if they aren't even going to take Level 1 Trauma patients?

For a good time...

Check out your local Craig's List personal ads...specifically the Missed Connections section.

I've spent all morning looking at them and get the biggest kick out of them, specifically the men to men ones (even though I'm neither). I've found a few of my coworkers that are being sought. And seen some pretty desperate people's posts--some who clearly have no idea how to form a complete and intelligent thought.

Go look, you'll love it and you know it.

Black Friday Shopping

Was a decent success this year. I didn't really have a ton of money to be stimulating the economy with and I didn't REALLY need anything. But somehow, I managed to spend a few hundred dollars and got a ton of stuff.

I found a ton of adorable infant outfits that were super cheap. I got some sleep sacks, some sleepers, a "baby's first christmas" outfit, a few toys, and a couple odds and ends. I'll probably wind up returning most of them, but it was nice to daydream for a few minutes...

I found a few good things at Electronic Express but had the most terrible experience with their employees and managers. I did get what I came for after a significant amount of hassle, but I will never return there again.

At Joann's, I bought some fleece and flannel for baby blanket projects for the monkey. I also got some scrapbook supplies to begin a book for the baby.

All in all, I had a pretty good day. I was up at 3 am and got home a little bit before noon. I'm now ready for a nap. Tomorrow's shift will come too soon and I will be too grumpy to be around if I don't get a bit of rest.

If you braved the crowds today, I hope that you got what you were looking for and made it home safely. If you plan to go out tomorrow, please be nice to everyone, especially the retail employees.

The "last"...

This is the last Thanksgiving without the monkey. A few weeks ago, N and I celebrated our last birthdays without the monkey. Next month will be our last Christmas and New Year's Eve without the monkey. On one hand it's a little sad. Kinda like a rite of passage. But instead of moping and being upset or anything about it, we're exactly the opposite. Next Thanksgiving, there will be a family of 3 around the table (albeit the third member will only be about 6 months old...), plus the extended family will be coming out of the woodwork, I'm sure.

Seems that events are marked this year by being the "last" one...Then right away, we say with a big grin, "But next year the baby will be here!"

The bigger and more pregnant I get, the more excited we both get. Part of us are still kinda dumbfounded. Well, I am at least. I shouldn't speak for N. Some days it's almost hard to believe. But then something happens and I remember what a miracle this little one is and how much more vibrant and wonderful life will be next year once Monkey is born.

Happy Thanksgiving!

My Dad

Tonight, my father did an amazing thing for me.

This won't make much sense to those who don't know about the kind of relationship that my Dad and I have. But right now, I needed him. And he came through for me. Without question or hesitation.

I hope some day that my child knows that her parents will ALWAYS be 2 people in this world that she can count on. As long as we are alive and breathing...We will sacrifice to make sure that she has what she needs.

That's what being a parent is all about.

And though my Dad doesn't follow this blog (hell, he probably doesn't even know it exists), THANK YOU DAD...From the bottom of my heart.

Happy Thanksgiving...

We still have a baby!

We had a baby doctor appointment today.

I will never tire of hearing the sweet sound of my child's heartbeat. At 155 beats/minute, it was strong and loud. The nurse says she's thinking a boy...She's about the only one who is. N told me today that the heartbeat sounds like a barking dog *rolls eyes*.

I didn't gain much weight, which is ALWAYS something to celebrate! You can sort of see my belly pooching out now, even more so if I'm wearing tighter fitting clothes.

We're getting ready for the holidays around here. I did some cooking today, I have my regular 24 hour shift tomorrow so I will be getting a late start on the Turkey Day cooking when I get off. Fortunately, I'm only cooking for N and I. You'd never know that by the amount of food I'm planning on cooking though. I think that we'll still have leftovers at Christmas.

The big ultrasound will be Jan 6th. I'm looking forward to seeing the child that N and I created, although I am content to wait patiently until then. The holidays will distract me, I hope.

Is this what my life has come to?

So I was with a patient today and thought of a great topic for this blog. I was really excited because I've wanted to get back into blogging again but I've kinda had a small mental block here lately.

Well, tonight as I finally get to sit down at my laptop while awaiting the next call from some poor schmuck, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT...

I didn't have this many problems with my memory before I got pregnant. Now, I can't remember to put on my shoes if I don't leave them by the door. I have to have a shopping list before I go to the grocery store or I'll forget half of what I went for. I pack my work back the night before so that I don't run around in the morning like a chicken with my head cut off.

Please tell me that this gets better...PLEASE? Please tell me that at 30 something years old, I'm not already getting some dementia. Is forgetting everything I ever knew what my life has come to?

Maybe having twins...

Why I think this is beyond me. Twins don't run in either family. I'm not over 35, we didn't use fertility drugs to conceive. I really have no known "risk" factors.

But I've dreamed of twins several times and even triplets one night. Always they are girls. I'm consistently told that I look larger for how far along I am. I've only gained 3 pounds so I shouldn't look too big already. I'm barely at the end of my first trimester, and for the first pregnancy I shouldn't be THAT big already.

When we heard the heartbeat last appointment, the nurse prefaced looking by saying that I "was only 10 weeks and it's really early, so if we don't heard anything, don't freak out." She was looking and looking and looking low down by my pubic bone and couldn't hear anything. But when she moved up to my belly button, we heard the little monkey. She (we don't know yet, but have been referring to the baby as "she" for weeks) was just to the left of my belly button at the belly button height.

I think that both the nurse and I were surprised. She got a funny look on her face and said "are you SURE of your dates?"

Uh yeah, lady. I'm sure. Now I can't tell you the date we actually conceived but I can tell you the date that we did the deed that got me pregnant. And at this point, I don't think that 2 or 3 days makes that much of a difference in where the heart beat is heard.

When I told her that, she asked if we were sure we only were going to have one baby. Since my doctor's office only gives one ultrasound at 20-22 weeks, we've not gotten to see our little monkey yet. Only heard her precious little heart beating away at a stunningly healthy 175 times a minute.

And I told her that. No ultrasound yet. No, we're not sure. And she just kind of smiled, like she knew a secret that we didn't.

Yeah I know that the odds of having a natural multiples conception is like 2% at my age and with all the other factors counted. I know not to get my hopes up too high. I also know that I was maybe 5 days post conception when I was throwing up.

I don't know if we're having more than one or not. But I've talked about it enough and enough people wonder about it at work that Daddy gets overwhelmed by twins talk...I find some sick and perverse pleasure in knowing that I've just about got him convinced that his super sperm helped create 2 babies.

Is that so bad?

The cat is broke...

I came home Tuesday night from watching the election results to see one of my cats limping around the house, dragging one of his back legs. He can't jump, he's pitiful to watch walk around and I had to work my 24 the next day. I felt his leg up pretty good and he didn't meow or cry out in pain or anything, so I didn't rush out and take him to the doctor.

Yesterday, I came home from working hoping to see my kid running around like normal. But no, he was still thumping around. Unfortunately, I had to work last night. So today, I will stuff my cat into the carrier and listen to him meow and howl all the 9 miles to the vet's office. Where I hope that they won't charge me an arm and a leg to find out what's wrong with him...

And I hope that he will forgive me for hauling out the cat carrier and forcing him in it.

Changes in this blog...

I originally started this blog to have an outlet for my professional life. Through the past year, I've had more trials and stressors that I ever thought possible. My life has changed completely and therefore this blog will be changing as well...

I've met and fallen in love with the man of my dreams. I'm now 12 weeks pregnant with our first child.

While I will continue to blog about my career and my patients, this blog will likely turn in to the boring "Mommy" blog. More so to leave a legacy for my unborn child than for the pleasure of anyone else.

I haven't written for awhile. I wasn't sure what direction I was going to go with this. I thought about stopping this blog altogether, but I've decided that I'd miss it...I hope those of you who were reading before will still come back and visit every once in awhile.

Thanks to all who've read and supported this blog over the past year or so. Thank you for sharing my journey.

Why I love the Father of my baby

Taken from my myspace blog:

During my latest (and surely not last) emotional breakdown, my partner in crime was so good to me. I was hysterical, and he was calm...And at that moment, I realized just how much I love him and this life that we've created together.

So call me sappy or whatever you want. Hey, I'm pregnant, I can be as emotional as I want to be!!!

1. The night I started throwing up and we thought we might be pregnant, his response is not fit for some of the people on my friends list. But he has never made me feel that this is "my" pregnancy or that I'm going through this alone. Even before we took a home pregnancy test, he said "we'll take a test". He has never ONCE made me feel like I am doing this alone.

2. When the hysterical crying starts, my sweet man puts his arms around me and holds me and tells me how much he loves me and that everything will be ok. And when I'm bitchy, he just shuts up because he knows it will pass.

3. I simply can't put into words his reaction when the pee stick showed two lines. Really it is something that should be submitted to America's Funniest Home Videos.

4. This is a first child for both of us and so neither of us really know what to expect. It's truly the blind leading the blind and it is really quite comical at times.

5. Daddy came my first doctor's appointment and wants to come to them all. He wants to be involved.

6. He cried when I told him that I wanted to name our child after his mother (who passed away several years ago) if we have a girl.

7. He is a die hard and passionate Cubs fan...To the bitter end.

8. He makes me cry.

9. He makes me laugh.

10. He has a gentle spirit and kind heart.

11. I love him even more because he is the father of my child. I know that he is going to be an amazing Daddy and my heart is happy.

12. He talks about wills and life insurance and who would take care of our little monkey if something happened to both of us.

13. He loves my cooking. Even if sometimes I think it's terrible.

14. He is not afraid to be vulnerable with me.

15. I love the father of my child because he is an amazing man...and I find something daily that reminds me of this.

16. Forehead kisses.

I grow more and more in love with you daily, baby. You are an amazing man and I love you so much.

You know you're in the ghetto when...

The sign next to the toliet in the dialysis clinic says:

Please do not flush your Tampons, pregnancy tests, or Kotex down the toilet.


Gross. Although I had to call my best friend and tell her about it. I made her snort.


I love my job.

A frank talk about AIDS

AIDS....everyone is afraid of "catching" it when in reality it would be easy for it to affect all of us.

AIDS--Ambulance Induced Divorce Syndrome. Those of you in the business know exactly what I'm talking about. It's the reason that we have a 60-70% divorce rate in public safety/EMS/Fire. It's the reason that my brothers and sisters in EMS lose their families and their lives TWO to THREE times more frequently than the rest of the married people in the United States.

The sad fact is that while we are out saving lives and protecting the public, our marriages and home lives are falling apart at the seams. The long hours, being subject to recall during a disaster, the stress of what we see on a daily basis all takes a toll on our marriages. Sometimes I think it helps if we have a spouse in the same field, sometimes I think it makes it worse.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some I made knowing that I was making them. Many I found out after I made them. All I learned something from. My first marriage died a slow painful death because we both neglected it. We grew apart and didn't know it was happening at the time. Paramedic school and a move across the country didn't help, either. By the time we realized we were in trouble, it was too late.

We tried counseling. But my ex didn't understand the long hours at work, the fact that I spent more time with the opposite sex at work than at home, that sometimes bad shit happened at work that I didn't want to talk about with my spouse. I wanted to talk about it with people who knew how I felt when I did CPR on a 3 week old. It's hard to explain that to someone who doesn't do the same job. It's sometimes more painful to talk about it than it is to be with others who have been on the call with you.

I've made a lot of mistakes. I lost my marriage and my career over some of those mistakes. I've been single for 4 years because of some of those choices I've made. But I understand now that some of those choices and mistakes lead to the best thing that life has to offer. I never would have known what I was made of if I hadn't been through the past few months worth of trials in my personal life. I never would have met the love of my life and the person that I want to share and spend the rest of my life with if I hadn't had to go through the past few months alone, wondering if I was going to be ok and worrying about paying my mortgage and my bills.

I know that everything happens for a reason. It's believing in that until the reasons show up and smack you in the face that takes some getting used to.

I don't know what the answer is to the AIDS epidemic facing our nation's first responders. I do know that sympathy AND empathy from our loved ones is needed. We will talk when we are ready, don't push us to spill our feelings. Sometimes it takes us a bit longer to process those feelings and thoughts.

Please don't accuse of of having an affair with every member of the opposite sex that we work with. That lack of trust slowly erodes our desire to come home and be faithful. The lack of faith in our responsibilities to our families and our marriages slowly eats away until we are tired of being accused of things that we aren't doing.

It is our responsibility as providers to take care of ourselves FIRST. We can't take care of others if we aren't in top shape. I've learned that the hard way. We must ask for help and be willing to accept it when it's offered.

Don't let AIDS affect your life and your family. Protect yourself.

Good News!!!!

Praise the Lord for good news at the doctor's appt yesterday!!!

My friend's child does not have cancer, although the symptoms are still not explained and they do not have a diagnosis to fight and get angry at.

Back to regular blogging this next week.

Please keep my friends in your prayers

I rarely do this but I am worried to death and since I have readers all over the country and the world I figured that more prayers can't hurt.

Some friends of mine and their young son have been through hell and are almost back.

Please keep them in your prayers--they should have more answers by the end of this week.

Thanks.

When the rescuer becomes a patient

We had just left the station and our truck smelled really badly like exhaust. It was raining so we cracked the windows a tad and turned on the air conditioner. About 15 minutes later, I started feeling really sick to my stomach and my partner had a really bad headache. Neither of us had eaten that day so we stopped to get food and get out of the truck for a bit.

When we got back in the truck to go standby, I felt more and more sick and my partner noticed that my lips were turning white and my the skin on my face and arms was getting mottled looking. She called the supervisor and we went back to the station. I promptly ran to the bathroom and puked my guts up.

One of the supervisory people asked what was going on and we told her. She ordered me to lay down and told me to put on an oxygen mask or she would do it for me. I passed out in the truck for about 15 minutes with a NRB strapped to my face. I got up much peppier that I had been earlier, still nauseated and feeling ill, but much better.

We figured out that they had been doing maintenance on another truck and ours was running while they worked on the exhaust and changed the manifold on the other truck. All the exhaust got sucked into our unit and BAM! we wound up with carbon monoxide poisoning.

Friday night, I felt awful and sucked a few more hours of o2 down before going home. At dinner, my date said that I seemed "off" and he said my eyes rolled back in my head a few times and I skipped a few beats, but otherwise, he said I seemed ok. Yesterday, I felt like I had a hangover but I hadn't been drinking at all. I still felt a little "off" but otherwise I was OK, I guess. Today, I woke up feeling great and back to normal.

This is just a friendly reminder that we, as rescuers, are NOT invincible and are at risk for the same illness and injuries that our patients are. I was lucky. I could have gotten much sicker. Fortunately, I had an astute partner who saved my butt from a much worse fate.

From the archives of my EMS brain

I am trying to be better about blogging. I know that I will fail miserable if I commit to once a day, so I'm going for whenever I can remember.I have a couple to write about Medic school that were requested but other than that, when I think of something to blog, I'm going to do it!

Here, for your reading pleasure, from the archives of my EMS brain:

I had been an EMT basic for about 3 months, working in a small transport company out west trying to get my feet wet. I loved my job and was still a little (ok, well, a LOT) idealistic about how EMS worked.

We were dispatched one day to the large trauma hospital to transfer a patient to another hospital for an inpatient stay. We arrived at the ED and the nurse looked over at my partner and the trainee (both men) and said to me, "I am glad they sent a female." For a minute I was a little stunned because usually I was ignored for the boys, but ok if she was glad to see me, then so be it.

"Your patient is a 72 year old female who lived alone in a townhouse. She had someone doing some odd jobs for her and some gardening and the like. 4 days ago, after she thought that he had left, he rang the doorbell and said he forgot something. After she let him in, he barricaded the two of them in the house, locking her in the upstairs bedroom. For three days, he drank all her alcohol, destroyed her house, and viciously raped her. He cut her phone lines so she couldn't make a call for help. He stole all her money and beat her."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This lady was my grandmother's age and I nearly had a fit thinking of someone doing that kind of thing to my granny.

The nurse continued, "She begged him to let her go and he would just laugh at her and hit her again. By some grace of God, she managed to escape when he finally fell asleep after binging on alcohol for 3 days. She went to the neighbors house and they called 911. When she got here, she was beaten, bruised, and broken."

With disgust, she also said, "He even bit her breast and took a chunk out of it."

Well with all that, I was about ready to burst into tears. I put my happy face on and steeled my resolve to make her feel secure and safe while in my care.

I listened to her and told her that she didn't have to say a single word if she didn't want to. I held her hand and let her talk. I hope that I showed her some compassion and love.

After we dropped her off, I was beyond words. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried for her. For the sweet woman whose sense of security was shattered. And for the loss of my EMS innocence that day.

Somedays, I fell like a total ass...

Without too many details I told a friend last night that I needed a break from our friendship--that I had to heal my heart and soul from the inside. Blah blah blah...

Today in the mail, I got the sweetest card and gift to help me through a rough time.

Sometimes, I feel like a total ass.

You know what really makes me sad....

We went to the local hospital for Veteran's yesterday to transfer a patient.

The nurse taking care of my patient had to leave for a family emergency so she turned over all her patients to another one who clearly hadn't even gone in to look at my patient at all. She didn't know his baseline mental status, she couldn't tell me his history, and didn't know really anything about him.

We walked into the room and you could hear audible gurgling coming from his trach. He had recently had several very large strokes and had the trach for airway control. She had told me that he didn't need any suctioning but it was clear that he did. I wound up suctioning him several times before we left and then had to dc his IV because she didn't know if it was going with him or not.

I ended up having to provide deep tracheal suctioning all the way to our destination and learned more about this patient by reading his discharge summary than the nurse could tell me.

Not only did this sweet man give of himself to serve our country but as a Veteran and a patient, he deserves caregivers who know all about him and can appropriately take better care of him. And someone who risked his life to defend the freedom and honor of our country by serving on our armed forces deserves the best medical care that can be provided. It makes me angry and very sad that this is how our vets are treated on a daily basis by facilities that are supposed to excel at taking care of them.

Power tool safety

An unfortunate mishap that a coworker had reminded me of a call I did about 2 or 3 years ago.

It was a bright summer day when we were dispatched to a amputation. Arriving on scene, we were met in the patient's driveway by the patient and the fire department. There was blood dripping down the man's hand and his right hand was wrapped in a bloody towel.

He has been using a table saw and the piece of wood he was using got stuck and he tried to get it unstuck without turning it off. The wood kicked back and he ended up amputating his thumb at the first knuckle and split his forefinger length-wise up to his hand.

The poor guy was so pale. The firefighters had searched through all the saw dust and found the tip of his thumb, so we were able to preserve it in hopes of a successful reattachment. We loaded him up and I called medical control for guidance. Shee, I know that he needed to go to the trauma center when they had micro surgery available to try to reattach his thumb but he was severely hypotensive--from shock, I think more than blood loss. He was also in an extreme amount of pain, but our protocols prohibited giving him anything because his BP was too low.

So I consulted with our local ED doc and he said to take him to the trauma center and to bolus him with fluids and titrate Morphine administration to his BP and pain control. We started 2 large bore IVs and gave him 2 mgs of morphine at a time. I so wish we could have given him more, but I didn't want to keep his pressure bottomed out.

It took 2 liters of fluid to get his pressure to 90 systolic. I think we ended up giving him 6 or 8 mgs of Morphine total. He was a lot more comfortable when we dropped him off at the trauma center.

I don't know if they were ever able to reattach his thumb or not but I know that we go him to the best place to take care of him, regardless.

Please remember---TURN OFF the power equipment BEFORE grabbing things when they are stuck. All your parts are precious and deserve to stay where they are--you will miss them when they are gone, I promise!!!

Because everything that you see on TV is NOT real!

I was watching Law and Order the other night. I love this show although it does get old sometimes. Well the other night, Detective Benson was driving Detective Stabler's wife to the doctor's offcie when they were hit by another vehicle, striking the passenger's front door and rendering Kathy (the wife) unconscious and pinned. Well once EMS arrived and they realized that she couldn't be removed immediately, Olivia begged until they let her re enter the vehicle without it being stabilized and without any personal protection gear. Furthermore, the medic on scene allowed Olivia to start an IV on her.

Number one, I am assuming that she doesn't have a license to do any medical procedures, nor does she have any training. Now many of our procedures are not that difficult, they just take a little practice. So I was totally blown away when the medic handed Olivia an IV catheter and told her he would walk her through it--AND then proceeds to tell her how to start an IV upside down.

Ok--this is where my problem is....I like to think that I am fairly skilled at IVs. Yes, I have my share that I miss as all providers do. But it took a number of year before I could successfully stick a line upside down. And I'll only do it if the patient's condition warrants it because the miss rate is higher. No WAY would I have done it on my first attempt AND have success.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now onto ER---

They are frequently doing things that would never happen in the real world.

WE DO NOT SHOCK ASYSTOLE.....Period!!! Asystole (flat line) is a non shockable rhythm according to the AHA. And you don't just give drugs until the patient is successfully resuscitated. Codes follow a prescribed set of algorithms until there is nothing else that you can do or the patient is resuscitated.

We don't have time to just "hang out" with the nurses and doctors chatting and cutting up--and most of them don't want to even bother with us anyways.

Patients do not always have a blood pressure of 120/80 and a heart rate of 80. Yes, I know that is "normal" but very rarely in my career have I had a patient that has "perfect" vital signs.

I just get so sick of people thinking that these medical and legal drama shows are how things work in the real world....It make our job much much harder than it has to be.

Are those really cockroaches?

Thanks to Jen for inspiring today's blog...

I head heard about them...The family that was so nasty the firefighters didn't even want to go inside. The house that you could smell from around the corner. The people that no one wanted to even touch.

I gave into the false sense of security..."They don't live in my zone, so I won't ever have to pick them up,"

Until I had to travel to another station to cover someone out sick....

I got the quick run down from the firefighters and my partner.

*Hold your breath
*Don't touch anything
*Scoop the patient and run
*Don't take anything in with you
*Don't let them touch you


So by the time they were done reading me the litany of dont's, I was thoroughly grossed out and VERY glad that I had brought an extra change of clothes with me.

If you don't know much about EMS people, it's that we are a superstitious group. We don't polish our boots much because as soon as you do, you go on a nasty call in the mud or get a really bloody trauma call. We don't wash the truck until the END of our shift because as soon as you do, you'll be off roading in it to reach a patient.

So, if there is a patient or a household that we do NOT want to go to, we talk around it...We never mention the address or the people by name because somehow, they know that you are talking about them and they call...

And of course, that is exactly what happened. The tones dropped for 1234 ABC avenue. If looks could have killed, I would be 6 feet under by now.

I let my student ride up front and as we went around the corner, I could smell the odor coming out of the house before we even pulled up in front of it. The fire captain handed me a little bottle of peppermint oil and told me to dab it on the end of my nose. Then they pulled out the boot covers and the trauma sleeves--and I'm thinking "Oh hell, what have I gotten myself into?"

As soon as we hit the front door, I was overcome with the nastiness of the house. The smell was overpowering. I felt like I was standing in the middle of a landfill. The carpet squished when you walked on it, there was so much crap piled up in the house that we couldn't even fit the cot in the doorway. The walls were supposed to be white, I think, but there were smeared handprints and dirt on them. You could see the lines in the walls where the drywall had obviously gotten wet. There were baby cockroaches crawling up the wall.....

So I finally pick my way through the house to the room where the patient is. I poke my head in the door and everything looked under control, so I made a beeline outside to the fresh air. On my way out, I made the mistake of peeking into the bathroom. No wonder the floor was squishy...the shower had boxes piled in it, I never did see the toilet, and there was no way to wash your hands. There were literally paths through the house but it wasn't just "stuff" hoarding. It was literally piles of human waste and other things I shall not mention here.

In the unit, I prepped for the patient. Vent fan on, windows open, fan on. Change gloves and then double glove. Towels on the floor to stand on.

The patient was clearly not well taken care of. She had dried food on her face and clothes and obviously hadn't been bathed because her belly button was crusted shut. The foulest odor came off of her as we tried to unwrap the sheets to perform at least a cursory assessment. Before re-wraping her, we noticed something moving under her gown. I didn't want to look, truly I didn't...

It was a cockroach. A teeny tiny cockroach. I think I screamed.

I used an entire bottle of disinfectant to clean the back of the truck, spray the passenger seat, and wet my uniforms so that I could not gross myself out on the way back to the station where I promptly chucked my uniform in a biohazard bag and showered for nearly 20 minutes.

Gross. I have never been so horrified in my life.

I've been on vacation...

For those who actually care---I've been on vacation since last week and have not posted anything. I am on my way home today, traveling most of the day. I did get some great ideas for new blogs (thanks to Jen!!), so look for a few new ones in the days to come.

Hope all my readers are being safe out there!!!!

Strange searches...

I am curious about how people find my blog and am almost anal about checking few places to find out where my readers have come from.

Here's one google search that pointed a recent reader to my blog:

poem my husband is a coke addict


Hmmmm....Is that coke addict (as in the beverage)? Or is that coke addict (as in illegal drugs)?

Either way....You made it to my blog so welcome!!!!

"I would never do THAT..."

The EMT I worked with on Sunday is in Paramedic school so I took the opportunity to refresh some of my knowledge by quizzing him on his cardiac rhythms, ACLS algorithms, and other EMS related things. One of the questions that I asked him was, "Which drugs can you administer via an ETT?"

Of course the answer is LEAN (lidocaine, epi, atropine, and narcan), although NAVEL (the previous 4 plus valium) is also acceptable. ETT drug administration is falling out of favor as we realize that the drug absorption rate and dose widely varies and we don't really want to be putting fluids into the lungs of our patients unless it's truly necessary.

So the discussion included other options for drug routes if ETT and IV access weren't available. Those include IO (into the bone marrow space), IN (intranasal), and PR (per rectum--ie, in the bootie). He very seriously told me, "I will NEVER give medications rectally." So I told him this story:

It was late afternoon and the county had been steady but not busy. A few units were out but otherwise most of us were getting ready for dinner. The tones dropped and we were sent out of our zone to respond to an infant having seizures. Well, most of the time patients having seizures are done by the time EMS arrives and don't need further care, just a ride to the hospital and monitoring.

My partner and I checked en route. We talked about what to do when we got there and how we wanted everything to go. Dispatch radioed that the FD was already on scene and advising that the child was still actively seizing and had been for nearly 15 minutes now. They were administering o2 and would meet us on the sidewalk with the patient.

**Oh Hell in a Handbasket** Now we not only have a still seizing patient, but it is a child to boot.

I unclipped the narc keys and handed them to my partner. She got out the protocol book and we reviewed the pedi doses on Valium (IV and rectally). I told her that when we got to the scene, I was going to grab the pt and come back to the truck if she would get everything set up for us. About this time, dispatch advised that the FR was calling for Air Medical and did I want to go ahead and launch the helicopter?

Hmmmm....a seizing baby in what sounded like status epilepticus and no local pedi hospital...Well HECK YEAH.....gimme a fast ride to the level 1 pedi hospital.

So we arrived on the scene to find the FR standing on the sidewalk with the patient in his arms, still actively seizing. My partner dove through the pass through (space between the cab and patient compartment) and I went around and got a quick report. Mom was helped into the front seat and as soon as the pt was secured to the cot, I told my partner that I was ready to go. The FR asked if I wanted him to go with us. "No, I'm ok. I just want to go."

"But I am a National Registry Paramedic"

and so what if you are...so am I. DUH....Just get the hell out of the back of my truck and quit holding us up..... <--That's what I was thinking anyways. I would never be so rude as to say something like that to a FR on a scene.

So he went with us. The patient was hooked to a cardiac monitor (mostly artifact), o2 was continued, and my attentions were turned to gaining IV access. The FR made one attempt and it blew....so by my calculations the child had now been seizing for nearly 35 minutes. My priority, after securing the ABCs, was to stop the seizing. Without an IV, that meant rectal valium.

The child weighed 11 kgs as reported by the mother. So I broke the seal on the narc box and drew up the proper amount in a 3cc syringe. After discarding the needle tip, I took an 18 gauge catheter out and disposed of the needle, leaving me with the catheter tip. This I screwed onto the end of the syringe, and voila!! A way to administer the valium rectally.

Have you ever administered rectal valium to an actively seizing child? It's akin to giving a cat a bath. They wiggle all over and it's hard to keep the syringe in place after the drug is administered---necessary to keep the drug from running back out before it is absorbed.

It was the longest 8 minutes of my life. Watching to see if the drug would work, reassessing the pt status, determining my next course of action. As the seizing slowly stopped, I threaded a flexible catheter into the pt mouth and was able to suction his airway clear. A few minutes from the hospital, the patient began having irregular and agonal respirations. As the jaw was clenched, our only other option was to perform RSI to secure the airway, especially with the patient being such a high aspiration risk. I chose to assist the ventilations with a BVM as I could already hear the rotor blades from the helicopter. My thoughts were that the flight crew had much more experience with RSI for a patient that size and my efforts were better spent on good ventilations. They could figure out the proper doses of RSI meds MUCH faster than I could. I had the FR set up all the intubation equipment, we already had the length based resuscitation tape on the cot next to the patient.

When the flight crew boarded, I gave them a quick but detailed report and they agreed with my suggestion of RSI.

For my non medical readers:

RSI (Rapid sequence intubation) is a procedure that consists of administering a cocktail of meds that sedate and paralyze the patient in order to facilitate intubation. It is most frequently used for patients with traumatic head injuries, respiratory failure with impending respiratory arrest, and acute CVA (stroke). It can also be successfully used with patients who have overdosed on an unknown substance or with patients who are unable to maintain their own airways. It is not a procedure to be taken lightly, you must be sure of your intubation skills as a provider and feel comfortable that you can "sink" a tube on each patient. In my system, we used a combination of Etomidate, Succinylcholine, and Norcuron. We also premedicate with Atropine for the kiddos and Lidocaine for any with potential head injuries.

We prepared all the equipment and I successfully placed an ETT on my first attempt. Following intubation, the patient was ventilated well and packaged for transport. We got them all loaded into the helicopter and they flew to the Children's Hospital.

I called a few days later and was told that the patient was still on a vent and the EEG and brain scans had showed some kind of abnormality but because of the age of the patient, they weren't sure what it was or the treatment yet.

This patient was discharged about 2 weeks later and was home for 2 days before suffering another seizure. This patient has since become a regular for our service. They finally determined that there was some kind of lesion in this child's brain but determined it wasn't safe to do surgery because of the age. Unfortunately, the patient continued to have seizures despite aggressive treatment and today has significant mental, emotional, and developmental delays. We actually had a protocol written specifically for this child because it got to the point that all the Valium in the world wouldn't touch the seizures.

After relating this story to my partner, he said, "well, I guess I'll never say never again."

I told him that there was a big difference between saying that you would never do something vs. saying that you would prefer not to do something. I told him that the first time he laid eyes on a beautiful child with big blues eyes who had been seizing non stop for 30+ minutes, the thought of not giving a drug rectally wouldn't even enter his mind. I told him that I didn't want to perform a Cric (a different patient--for a different blog), but I did and because of it, the patient lived. But if I had always told myself that I'd never do one, the thought that a patient might need one would have never crossed my mind. And that patient would have died before he even reached a hospital.

Teaching moments...They are valuable when they come along and can be related to something that the student can easily identify with.

Until next time....

Ever had one of those days where you just don't get it?

So I was thinking the other day about some of my really "head scratching" calls. You know, the ones where you just never really understand what happened and decide that you probably never will?

It was maybe a year ago--I know it was freezing outside but I don't really remember when it was--that my partner and I were dispatched to a MVC with a "minor headache". It was also O'dark thirty outside and we had been asleep for a few hours.

So ok, we check en route and Mike (my partner) drives us the short distance to the scene. When we got there, I think that I dang near soiled my britches!

This was no minor accident--This was a full blown tractor trailer--18 wheeler--semi truck, half flipped over, and teetering off the side of the road. Regardless of the status of the patient, we needed more help to safely access this patient.

I radioed dispatch and told them what we had, requested FD for rescue and extrication assistance, and asked to have Air Medical put on standby. We could see skid marks at least a half mile up the road. As I surveyed the scene, I also saw a sign that read "WARNING--GAS PIPELINE UNDERNEATH. CALL BEFORE DIGGING" Oh crap.

Well, step one was to get everyone out of the danger zone, including the cops who were crawling all over the cab of the truck. I inquired about the status of the patient and was told that she was semi responsive and "talking out of her head". Hmmmm. Thankfully the FD was only a few blocks away and they arrived on scene in record time. As soon as they had the semi initially shored up, Mike climbed inside and started an initial assessment of the patient. Once he relayed his findings to me, we launched the helicopter. We were also waiting on a large flat bed wrecker that had the capabilities to rig up safety wires to keep the semi from fully rolling over.

I started hanging lines and getting the patient compartment ready. I turned the heat on, attached electrodes to the cardiac monitor. I had already taken Mike the portable O2 and a non rebreather mask as well as a ccollar, so we had the basics covered until we could fully extricate the patient.

We wound up having to remove her from the truck through the side window. The doors were jammed and we decided that trying to have the FD use the jaws of life to pop the doors and gain access that way was just too risky. We were afraid that the wiggling and moving might cause the semi to become unsteady. I just wanted all my guys away from any potential danger as quickly as possibly.

So out she comes onto a LSB and we secured her quickly and got her in the back of the truck. We did a full trauma assessment and began treatment. Continued o2, monitor, warmed her up, IVs, etc. Her BGL was in the 40s. So she also got an amp of d50 which helped to perk her up some as well, although she was still lethargic and not responding appropriately.

We were driven to the LZ and in short order had the pt packaged for the helicopter and report was given the the flight crew and they flew her to the closest level one trauma center.

We went back to the scene and stayed with the FD and the wrecker crews for several hours while they attempted to remove the semi truck from the ditch that it was half in.

I guess the moral of the story is if you hear hoofprints, look for the zebra.

NIU Shootings

Prayers to the victims of the NIU shootings. Please keep those innocent people and their families in your thoughts and prayers.

Also please keep those who responded (Police, Fire, EMS) in your thoughts as most who worked this horrific incident will struggle with the things that they saw and heard.

When your patients tell you....

I have learned that when your patients tell you they are going to die, it's generally a good idea to listen to them, especially when it is accompanied by a complaint of chest pain or breathing problems or some other such issue.

The last patient that told me that proceeded to code as we lifted the cot up about 2 minutes later.

My partner are I were able to obtain ROSC within a few minutes and delivered her to the ED blinking her eyes and indicating that she wanted the ETT removed from her trachea. She ultimately passed away a few days later due to severe cardiac ischemia, but we at least helped to buy her and her family some time to make arrangements and say goodbye.

So when your patients tell you they think that they are going to die, they probably are right (as long as they aren't in labor or strung out on crack or having a huge fight with their SO).

7 Random Things about Me

I was tagged by Shawn over at Live, Laugh, Blog to post 7 random facts about myself....Ummm so here goes:

1. I am the parent of 3 beautiful fur babies. 2 are pictured, the other one is shy and hiding.

2. My family lives all across the country, I'm the only one that lives in this state.

3. I am a die hard procrastinator.

4. I am addicted to using coupons and shopping sales to get the best deal that I can.

5. I have been a vegetarian for almost 20 years.

6. I don't know what I would do without caffeine. The best thing in the world is yummy coffee first thing in the morning.

7. I only have to wait 2 more months to see my very best friend in the whole wide world again.

In the general spirit of these things, I am now tagging:

Nurse K

and

Stork Nurse

to continue on with the random fun.

Happy blogging, everyone.

Uhhh, you'd better send some more help here...

It had already been a long and busy shift and I had grabbed a few minutes between calls to take a quick shower before going (hopefully) to lay down for a bit.

*tones drop*

Of course while I have shampoo in my hair and I am soaking wet.

"Medic X, need you to respond to 123 ABC Street. Female patient is unresponsive."

Crap!!!! I should have suspected it though, because the shift had already been long.

I heard my Captain check in route and knew that I had a few extra seconds to dry off before throwing my uniform back on. I grabbed a elastic band to pull my hair back and was grateful that I had a hat to out on my head since I didn't have time to drag a comb through my wet hair.

As I'm climbing in the truck, I hear several First Responders check en route to the scene, and my Captain checks out on scene. We check en route and a few seconds later I hear the weary voice of Captain D, "Uh dispatch, you'd better call the Anytown Fire Department. We're going to need some man power here."

Huh? Ok let's see...We've got my partner, myself, Captain D, and 4 firefighters. That's 7 people. What in the world is so bad that we need MORE help?

It became very apparent when we got there. We walked in the door and saw a mattress laying on the floor and a very very large woman was laying on it, unresponsive and with snoring respirations. We start to provide emergency care and the firefighters try to figure out how in the hell we are going to extricate the patient from her house. There wasn't enough space to bring the cot in to her, and frankly her estimated weight exceeded the weight limits of the cot (650 pounds).

We ended up using a spine board as a ramp from the bed to the cot and essentially pulled the pt from the bed, over the spine board, and onto the cot. She was so wide that she had to be placed on her side in order to secure her safely to the cot. That really was the best position for her anyway as the weight of her massive chest significantly impaired her respiratory effort.

We left the cot in the lowest position to roll it over to the truck, then the 11 of us raised the cot up and secured it in the patient compartment for transport. There was 4 of us in the back and Captain D drove us to the ER. We alerted them to get a bariatric bed. Once we left the patient at the er and transfered care, we returned to the station.

I punched Captain D in the arm..."Man Power? Geesh, man you could have come up with something better to ask for."

Severe Weather

You know it's going to be bad when it's 70 degrees in the February. Dozens of tornadoes ripped through Tennessee, Arkansas and Kentucky last night leaving a lot of destruction and causing many deaths.

Please keep these folks in your thoughts and prayers and also the responders that are doing search and rescue, body recovery, and clean up. This weather and it's aftermath taxes all the resources in those areas.

If you live in the affected places, please be careful.

I'll post some links once I find some reliable news sources.

Super Tuesday

So this really isn't EMS related....

But if you love in a state that has it's primaries today--PLEASE go vote. Men and women had died for us to have the right to vote. This is the way we get our voice heard and get to have a say in who our next leader is.

GO VOTE!!!!

And another one..

I received an email this afternoon from a friend who frequents this blog. She included a link to this article.

Folks, your Nation's responders are dying on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis. One day, we won't be here when you need us. PLEASE, PLEASE if you see the flashing lights on the road, SLOW DOWN, move over, and pay more attention. It will save you anguish and possibly jail time (many states add a felony if you kill a FR while they are in the course of their job duties). You will also help to ensure that that person returns home to their families.

Please be more careful...We all want to go home at the end of the day.

To my fellow responders--we MUST be more careful. We should expect issues when working wrecks on the interstate and the side of the road. This career we have chosen is dangerous. It is up to YOU to make sure that you return home safely.

One small step....

Score one for the little people! Our EMS director is on permanent administrative leave until his retirement in 90 days.

Hopefully the rampant discrimination and hostile environment that he has created over the past umpteen years will end. The crews deserve better than intimidation, retaliation, and illegal firings.

If you're the praying kind, we could all use them tonight. There are a ton of hurdles to overcome and I hope that the hurt feelings many have pass soon.

One lost is one too many

People, PLEASE!!!! You must watch out for yourself and your partner's safety...No one else will do it for you. Your family expects you to come home at the end of the shift. One more life lost is one more too many--

Fatal Ambulance Crash in Delaware

Gotta love those early morning phone calls

So, my phone blared the "Law and Order" theme song this morning at 0345. I almost didn't answer it, because who the heck calls at o' dark thirty?

It was my part time job, wanting to know why I didn't show up at 0300 for my shift.

HUH?!?!?!? Excuse me?

Yes, well it seems as though I was put on the schedule for today from 0300 to 1700, a 14 hour shift. Unfortunately, it also appears as if the scheduling person forgot to CALL me to tell me that I was being scheduled.

Damn. I really need the money, too.

"But it's so near my brain..."

A young adult called 911 for a pimple on his face.

Why?

Because it was "so close to my brain".

He got transferred to triage when we got him to the hospital. The doctor was dumbfounded that he had called 911 for a zit.

Sometimes things just aren't what they seem to be...

I pride myself on being a fairly educated provider. I'm not the smartest and I don't know everything. I can always learn more. It's not often that I am rendered totally speechless while on a call.

I distinctly remember my first time....

My partner and I were dispatched to a "sick child". As we drove to the scene, my mind was racing about what the possibilities could be. It could be anything, I decided. An asthma attack, mental eval, traumatic injury, etc.

I was not prepared for what we found when we got there, however.

My partner and I walked into the house with our pedi bag and cardiac monitor. Mom was there and didn't speak any english. Dispatch had advised us that a third party was en route to the scene to translate for us.

I asked Mom where the child was and she pointed to the floor where there was a wadded up bedspread lying there. I leaned down and gingerly (with 2 fingers) pulled back the cover slightly.

A baby. Covered in blood.

My mind wasn't computing what I was seeing. I pulled back the cover a bit more and was dumbfounded to see an umbilical cord still attached to the infant. The baby had the most beautiful liquid brown eyes and just started up at me. It wasn't crying or fussing or anything.

Dread filled the pit of my stomach as I fully exposed the infant. I followed the umbilical cord all the way to the end....it was still attached to the placenta.

OH MY LORD! My partner and I looked at each other. He picked up the radio and asked for help. Dispatch wanted an update. "We have a-uhm-live birth here". My partner ran out to the truck to get the OB kit and we got mom seated on the cot. I picked up the infant and dried it off. I clamped and cut the cord and tried to stimulate the baby to cry. It seemed pretty content to just hang out, no crying or anything. We got the baby bundled up and handed it to Mom.

Turns out that Mom was young and she was afraid to tell anyone that she was pregnant. She didn't receive any prenatal care. She went into labor and managed to wait until her older sister left that morning before delivering the baby.

I still scratch my head when I think about that call.

The next shift I followed up on the baby and was told that it was doing well, despite some issues regulating the body temp.

It was my first "delivery" and the first birth certificate that I signed. And the first time that I was speechless throughout most of the call.

Things that make you go hmmmmmm

While randomly surfing today, I happened upon this article:


The Associated Press

HAYDEN, Idaho --

A man who believed he bore the "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then he cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.

The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff's deputies arrived Saturday in this northern Idaho town. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.

"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."

It was not immediately clear whether the man has a history of mental illness. Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand, citing patient confidentiality.


Hmmmmmmm. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Living in Harmony

So there is a long-standing history of discord between dispatchers and field crews throughout emergency services. Sometimes the rivalry is well deserved but most of the time, I think that the frustration comes from not understanding the other's job.

Those that aren't cross trained for both jobs don't understand what the other is doing. A dispatcher is responsible for answering 911 and non emergency calls, dispatching trucks and helping them get to the scene, calling for mutual aid, dealing with urgent problems that might arise with a crew, and maintaining a calm and professional disposition on the radio and on the phones. Field personnel are required to respond to a scene in a timely fashion, providing appropriate patient care, manage large scenes, deal with family members and bystanders, transport the patient to the hospital, and complete appropriate paperwork.

Seems easy right? Anyone can do it?

Well the problem arises when one side doesn't truly know and appreciate all that the other must do and deal with. I've never been a full time dispatcher. I have filled in a little bit and helped out when they've been busy. I also used to date the person who is now the communications lieutenant. I've spent many hours in the dispatch/communications center. I have an idea of what they do and what they go through. I have enormous respect for those who choose to spend their hours stuck behind a computer screen (or screens). A calm voice on the other end of the radio can help when things are going south on a scene.

It really depends on the place that you work. Some services have great training programs and require their new employees to spend time observing the other's duties. Most that I've worked at don't do that. It's a shame really because most misunderstandings could be avoided if each party tried to place themselves in the other's shoes.

A wonderful dispatcher will save your ass if you get lost trying to get to a scene--AND they won't give you any flack for getting lost. Good field personnel will make a CONCERTED effort to read a map and learn their zone or first due and won't ask for directions simply because they are too lazy to pick up the map book.

A good dispatcher will anticipate what resources you might need on a particular scene and get them en route for you without having to ask. Good field personnel won't ask for 14 additional units, 2 helicopters, law enforcement, highway patrol, the shift captain, and 4 fire departments unless they REALLY need them. Don't ask for the calvary if you are planning on canceling them right away. Take 2 minutes and do a quick scene size up before requesting more resources.

A good dispatcher will know when you need a few extra minutes to pull yourself together after a particularly bad call and will give you that time. Good field personnel won't take advantage of that and stay out of service on purpose.

Great dispatchers will try to get as much information about the call and your patient(s) as they can AND will relay that information to you whenever possible. Great field crews won't constantly pepper their dispatchers with a million questions, especially if dispatch is busy or the information requested is not all that important.

Good dispatchers will ask to ride with the crews (if allowed) to see what they go through on the other end of the radio. Good field crews will sit in the comm center and watch what the dispatchers go through (again, if allowed).

Everyone thinks that their job is the most important. And it is important....If we didn't have dispatchers, there wouldn't be anyone to answer the phones and dispatch the units. If we didn't have the field crews, there wouldn't be anyone to respond to the calls or tell where to go.

All it takes is a little observation and a lot of understanding. We can all get along--we are all in this business for the same thing, after all, aren't we?

Happy Belated New Year!

Well in the craziness of the season, I forgot to put the standard "yay, 2007 is over! Welcome 2008...blah blah blah" blog.

2007 was not a really great year for many people that I know. Many deaths, several miscarriages, unemployment, etc. I guess it is all part of the circle of life. I'm sure it's nothing that doesn't happen to everyone throughout their lifetimes.

Nevertheless, I am thrilled that 2007 is totally over with and hope that only good things come in 2008.

So, here's to a healthy and happy, joyous and prosperous 2008! May you find everything that you hope for and all that you deserve.



Happy New Year!!!

Against my better judgement...

Well, it's happened. I finally received my first nasty comment from Link Referral.

You know folks, if you don't like what I have to say, that's fine, it won't hurt my feelings much. You sure don't have to be an a$$ about it, though. There are nice ways to say my writing sucks or you think I'm a big fat liar...

And I quote,

"I find the content of your blog really disgusting. I honestly think you make up half the stuff you publish and if not you will get caught. There has to be some ethical code for paramedics."


First of all....if you think that my content is disgusting, then DON'T FREAKING READ IT. Click on the little box at the top right corner and close the screen. It's pretty simple. Don't waste your time. Although I do appreciate the material for a new blog that your comments have given me, however.

Secondly, I do not "make up" the stuff that I publish. I change details here and there to keep away any and all HIPPA police that might come and bang on my door. I make that very clear on my site. Me, myself, and I are the only ones who know exactly which details are real and which are not. That's part of the whole privacy thingy.....Posting 100% accurate information kinda defeats the purpose of privacy and then leaves me open to lawsuits. Not to mention it's not really all that ethical.

But since you mentioned ethics.....yes, there are ethics that govern paramedics. Here they are. At no time have I violated those ethics. My patient's privacy has been upheld and I have not divulged any information that would lead you to be able to identify any person written about in my blogs.

Quoting yet again,

"Who cares what a 90 year old lady stores?"

I do. And so do my readers. If you don't care, click the box at the top right corner of the screen and close your browser window. Buh-bye, now.


Frankly, I couldn't care much what some A-hole writes about me or my blog. It's water off my back. Sticks and stones, ya know?

But this really, really chaps my gluteus maximus,

"Your commemoration of the 3 lives lost is pretty lame."

How should I pay tribute to these brothers and sister?

I'm sorry, but when did my sorrow become something that you should judge me on? Those 3 brave and heroic individuals laid down their lives for their fellow man. They paid the ultimate sacrifice to try to help another human being. They went to work that day, clocked in, ate together, laughed, talked to their families, and DIDN'T GO HOME AT THE END OF THEIR SHIFT. They died in the course of performing their job. Now, granted, I didn't know Mike, Tiffany, and Allan personally. Yet the amazingly beautiful thing that those of us in the EMS and Fire services understand is that we are all family. When one of our brothers and sisters loses their life in the line of duty, we all mourn their death. We all understand that it could be one of us next time.

It's all about respect. Respecting the sacrifices these individuals made to their families, their communities, their fellow man, and their profession.

I don't mind people commenting on my blog. I even welcome constructive criticism. Constructive being the operative word here. You wrote nothing that helps me to improve my writing or make my site any better. You only accused me of being a liar and having no ethics. Then you tarnished the memory of 3 heroes who are now rejoicing in Heaven while their families grieve their losses.

I'll say a prayer for you. I think that you need it more than I do at this point.

Have a blessed day, my friend.