Oprah sucks

I watch Oprah when I'm home. I don't obsessively tape it though...Just something to have on the TV for noise, I guess.

Well, after the first trimester emotional meltdowns and crying all the time had stopped, I thought that we had moved on to pre pregnancy emotional status quo. Apparently not...

Some adoption story first had me bawling. Then Dr. Phil, then Oprah, then a rerun of Extreme Makeover Home Edition...Damn. I only cry like this if I'm getting sick.

I'm not talking little sniffles. I'm talking huge ass crocodile tears rolling down my face, complete with the snotty nose that needed to be blown.

I thought I was supposed to cry at Hallmark commercials, not Oprah. I'm really glad that no one was around to see me bawling my little eyes out this afternoon. Although, thankfully I was at least crying over SOMETHING. When I was first pregnant, I'd sit on N's couch for hours and just cry over nothing at all. And I'd feel bad because he didn't know what to do and I'd feel bad for making him feel bad, which in turn would make me cry some more...Vicious cycle those hormones are.

Things I wish I would have known BEFORE getting pregnant

I've compiled a list of things that I wish someone (anyone) would have told me before I got knocked up...

That I'd cry and cry for no reason at all.

That I'd be bitchy and irritable and lose my patience constantly.

That I can't poop except once a week even with taking something and eating so many veggies I think I'll turn into a celery stick.

That I'd crave things I haven't eaten in over 20 years.

That I'd have to pee every 30 minutes.

That sneezing or farting could make me pee on myself.

That I'd have all sorts of strange aches and pains in my belly.

That I can only take Tylenol.

That you leak. From everywhere. 'Nuff said.

That my skin itches and there isn't anything that makes it stop.

That I have to pee. Constantly.

That I'd come to love and appreciate my child's Daddy more than I ever could imagine.

That the "Pregnancy Glow" is a freakin' myth.

That it takes you about 5 months (give or take) to look a little bit pregnant...the rest of the time it just looks like you've overindulged in the buffet line.

That people would treat me like I'm disabled and not just pregnant.

That hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time would be the most amazing thing in the entire world.

That I'd love my unborn child more than life itself.

Baby's First Christmas

I bought a baby's first Christmas ornament last week and took it to N's last night. He hung it on the tree after a short discussion of whether this was truly "Baby's First Christmas" or not. We settled on "kinda". I did specifically buy one that didn't have the year printed on it, so we can buy a 2009 one next year for the little monkey...

And speaking of the little monkey, I think that she was trying to head butt me last night. Can they do that this early? It was strange feeling and not at all like the soft little jabs that I've been getting. It was like something was rolling over in my tummy.

I'm gestating a kickboxer

For the sake of brevity until we know the gender of our love child, I will likely refer to the baby as "she" or "her"...

N says she just wants out. I saw it's too early and she needs to chill and hang out a little while longer.

Yesterday I was on my laptop chatting with N and trying to work as little as possible. I hadn't really felt any movement since that first night almost 2 weeks ago. Not that I was terribly worried, because it's still pretty early and I know that in a month or 2, I'll be begging her to stop.

I soon found my belly button under attack by a miniature fetal limb. It's not really a poking or a jabbing. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. But she kicked and punched my belly button for over an hour. N said "are you sure it's not gas?"

Yep. I'm sure.

Grandma (my mom) says, "well at least you know there's a baby in there and it's not just a tumor" as she laughs. I've heard all about my own acrobatics while in the womb...Apparently, I did headstands on my mom's bladder and pushed up on her diaphragm. Hey! I was just trying to have a little more space. I hear it gets crowded in there eventually.

It's kinda neat. I guess I should enjoy the gentle taps and pokes while I can, before she decides to really try to kick her way out of her uterine home.

I can't wait until her Daddy can feel her moving around, too. It's so amazing and I'm eager to share this part of monkey's gestation with him.

The Name Game

So, it was really easy to pick a girl's name.

N's Mom passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. And during the week from hell (between throwing up the first time and getting the positive pregnancy test), I decided that if we were indeed pregnant and we had a girl, I wanted to name her after his Mother. He cried when I told him that the day after we took "the test". I still have the text message saved on my phone where he proclaimed our potential baby girl's name as "absolutely f'ing perfect and beautiful". It was easy to pick a first name...after my Mom. So, if this monkey is a girl, she has had a name for over 4 months already.

Now, if monkey is a boy...I think we finally agreed on a name. I'm not 100% sold on the 2 names together, but I do love it. We had picked a name that I loved 2 months ago, but the more that we talked about it and the more I thought about it, I decided that I hated it. The middle name was pretty much set, as it is a way to honor both N and his Mom. But it was a little awkward to find a good solid first name that we could live with. We didn't want something too hard to pronounce or spell, nothing too wild and crazy, and we both liked names that could be shortened.

After much discussion and looking at a million different names, I think that we finally decided on a boy's name.

And I love it.

I say that we had such a difficult time selecting a boy's name because we won't need it...But N says it's always better to be prepared.

My kid is going to have his or her name forever...Just one more thing that N and I could really screw up. But I think that this time, we've done a damn good job.

Genetic Anomolies and Birth Defects

Yet again about my catty birth board...

Someone posted a comment about finding out her unborn child had a 1 in 5 chance of having down's syndrome based on her initial quad screening. Which means that her child has an 80% chance of being born "normal".

That's an absolutely perfectly normal worry and concern.

Then she posts something to the effect that if her ultrasound confirmed it, she and her husband had already decided to TERMINATE the pregnancy because they didn't want a "retarded" child.

I think my jaw about hit the floor.

A large portion of the reason that N and I refused the quad screening was because it is a screening tool and not a diagnostic tool. There is a high rate of false positives and you could very well spend the rest of your pregnancy worrying about nothing at all. And finding out that our child could potentially have a genetic defect would not change our minds one bit about loving and cherishing our child. It would not change the fact that this baby is very much wanted. We have no desire to terminate a baby even if baby is not 100% healthy and normal.

I don't know how well I'd do as the mother of a special needs child. I am not perfect and I have many flaws. But somehow, the odds of that were against us in simply getting pregnant makes me strongly feel that God somehow chose us to be parents of this particular child. Regardless of what his or her special needs may or may not be.

I am not a very socially or politically conservative person. However, somehow the thought of choosing to terminate a life that's growing inside me, that I've felt move, that I love more than life itself already just seems wrong. It's not my place to judge, especially since I'm not in her shoes. But I'd rather have my "not so" perfect child here for an hour or 2 days or a month to love and hold and cherish than to decide to terminate.

I still worry some. If this child does have special needs, I'd like us to have the opportunity to get prepared. Find the right doctors and become educated about our challenges. But we still have the ultrasound next month and major anatomical stuff will show up on that and we can then decide with our OB on further testing.

I can't imagine having to walk for one minute in the shoes of a parent faced with those decisions and options, though. Life truly is cruel sometimes.

Gender Disappointment

So there's a woman on my birth board (a really catty forum full of hormonal pregnant woman all due within the same month) who found out last week that she's not having a baby with the gender that she wants. She was asking how to "get over it" and that she was seriously considering giving up her child or something similar...I quit reading when it was obvious that she was serious.

Excuse me??? Is that not the shallowest thing you've ever heard? I can understand being a little disappointed, especially if you have had "feelings" that your baby is one sex of the other. I just know that this little monkey is a girl and I am not going to lie and say that I won't be at least a little bit disappointed if the baby turns out to be a boy. But, in the end...I don't really care as long as monkey is healthy. That's all that really matters.

To think that someone would want to give up their child because they are the wrong sex. Let's face it, life is FULL of disappointments. And throw a child into the mix and well, life happens. Your child may not turn out the way you want them to. They may choose a career or have a lifestyle that you aren't happy with. But you know what? You love them anyway, because they are your child.

Seems to me that if someone is that upset over the sex of their child, perhaps they are not mature enough to be having a child.

Advice

When you are pregnant, everyone feel like it's their place to give you advice. Advice on what to eat, what not to eat, what to wear, what to buy for the baby, what not to buy for the baby, and when to call the doctor...

I'm sick. I've got the stomach flu. I'll spare you all the gory details but I feel like crap. I finally kept down some food tonight but I've not been able to get that many fluids in me. The past few days, I've only managed to take in about 1 day's worth of fluids because I've been sleeping so much.

So, I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow, just to be on the safe side. With as much liquids as I've lost in the past 24 hours, I need to make sure the baby is OK. If only to calm my own worries.

We still have a baby!

We had a baby doctor appointment today.

I will never tire of hearing the sweet sound of my child's heartbeat. At 155 beats/minute, it was strong and loud. The nurse says she's thinking a boy...She's about the only one who is. N told me today that the heartbeat sounds like a barking dog *rolls eyes*.

I didn't gain much weight, which is ALWAYS something to celebrate! You can sort of see my belly pooching out now, even more so if I'm wearing tighter fitting clothes.

We're getting ready for the holidays around here. I did some cooking today, I have my regular 24 hour shift tomorrow so I will be getting a late start on the Turkey Day cooking when I get off. Fortunately, I'm only cooking for N and I. You'd never know that by the amount of food I'm planning on cooking though. I think that we'll still have leftovers at Christmas.

The big ultrasound will be Jan 6th. I'm looking forward to seeing the child that N and I created, although I am content to wait patiently until then. The holidays will distract me, I hope.

Maybe having twins...

Why I think this is beyond me. Twins don't run in either family. I'm not over 35, we didn't use fertility drugs to conceive. I really have no known "risk" factors.

But I've dreamed of twins several times and even triplets one night. Always they are girls. I'm consistently told that I look larger for how far along I am. I've only gained 3 pounds so I shouldn't look too big already. I'm barely at the end of my first trimester, and for the first pregnancy I shouldn't be THAT big already.

When we heard the heartbeat last appointment, the nurse prefaced looking by saying that I "was only 10 weeks and it's really early, so if we don't heard anything, don't freak out." She was looking and looking and looking low down by my pubic bone and couldn't hear anything. But when she moved up to my belly button, we heard the little monkey. She (we don't know yet, but have been referring to the baby as "she" for weeks) was just to the left of my belly button at the belly button height.

I think that both the nurse and I were surprised. She got a funny look on her face and said "are you SURE of your dates?"

Uh yeah, lady. I'm sure. Now I can't tell you the date we actually conceived but I can tell you the date that we did the deed that got me pregnant. And at this point, I don't think that 2 or 3 days makes that much of a difference in where the heart beat is heard.

When I told her that, she asked if we were sure we only were going to have one baby. Since my doctor's office only gives one ultrasound at 20-22 weeks, we've not gotten to see our little monkey yet. Only heard her precious little heart beating away at a stunningly healthy 175 times a minute.

And I told her that. No ultrasound yet. No, we're not sure. And she just kind of smiled, like she knew a secret that we didn't.

Yeah I know that the odds of having a natural multiples conception is like 2% at my age and with all the other factors counted. I know not to get my hopes up too high. I also know that I was maybe 5 days post conception when I was throwing up.

I don't know if we're having more than one or not. But I've talked about it enough and enough people wonder about it at work that Daddy gets overwhelmed by twins talk...I find some sick and perverse pleasure in knowing that I've just about got him convinced that his super sperm helped create 2 babies.

Is that so bad?