Why can't I fix everything?

Is it an innate desire to help my friend or is it my co-dependent nature?

I have a friend, we'll call him "Alex". I've known Alex for about 5 years through work. Alex is married and has children. Several months ago, I discovered they were having marital issues. He was having a tough time and confided in me because he needed someone to talk to. I couldn't do much except listen and that felt totally inadequate.

Those of you who know me and know where I work know about some of the troubles going on at my place of employment. Due to privacy reasons, I am choosing not to disclose the difficulties. Simply because I want the freedom to share my thoughts in this blog without worrying about patient confidentiality issues or other disclosures. Suffice to say, there are major problems. And as they drag on and on without resolution, we wait for the other shoe to drop. This has stressed us all to the breaking point and Alex is no different. As one who has a supervisory position, Alex is exposed on a daily basis to the stressors in our management and he is burned out. Although I love my friend and he makes a valiant effort to continue to do his job, he is burned out from work and home life.

He went to the doctor the other day with chest pain and difficulty breathing. His blood pressure was through the roof. His doctor told him he was at a very high risk of having a stress related heart attack. He's barely 30 years old, he's way too young to have stress related illnesses.

Last night, another one of our units picked up Alex's uncle and had him airlifted to a larger hospital. He had a BP of 250/160 and was having a massive stroke. He is on a ventilator and is extremely critical. The doctors do not expect him to make it.

I think Alex is depressed. And really, who the hell wouldn't be? Just one thing is more than enough, add them all together and you really have a recipe for disaster. I worry about his mental and physical health. I want to wave my magic wand and fix everything. I want my happy, care- and worry-free, and fun loving friend back. I want my friend back who delights in beating my ass at ping pong (and then rubs my face in it). I want my friend back who always has my back. I want my friend back who I can laugh with, who I can spend hours sitting at the picnic table outside our station talking for hours about anything and everything.

I asked Alex this morning if he planned on doing anything "stupid". His incredibly non-reassuring response was, "Define stupid". Of course I'm concerned that he might try to hurt himself, to check out of life, and to leave behind all that is so painful. I worry about intentional bodily harm. I've already lost one person I love this year to suicide, I refuse to lose another.

I wish I could be a better friend and take away all of Alex's pain. I know however, that Alex working through all his pain and fears and frustrations will make him a better person and will make him stronger. And as painful as it is, I realize that I am being a better friend to him by supporting him and listening to him. I know that right now he needs someone who won't judge him, someone who will listen to him vent, and someone who will put their arms around him and hold him while he cries.

Please say a prayer for my friend tonight. He needs all the strength and wisdom that he can get.