Merry Freaking Christmas

So Christmas is not coming to my house this year. My tree is in the basement, the lights are still in the boxes. I didn't even open the ornament holder. My family is far across the country this year as they have been for the past 6 years. I sent out about half my holiday cards but have no desire to send the rest. I'll get to them sometime in January I guess.

I bought Christmas presents for my Mom, a friend, my Captain, and my brother. I didn't know what to get my Dad so I didn't get him anything.

I change the radio station when a Christmasy song is played. I've been watching the holiday and Christmas movies on Lifetime when nothing else is on, but I just have no holiday spirit this year. I have received a few Christmas presents in the mail, wrapped all pretty. They are still in the box because I don't even have the desire to open them. I'll do it on Christmas, I guess. I tried this year, but it just wouldn't come to me.

I don't feel like celebrating this year. It's hard to celebrate when you feel like you're losing everything. I know that this slump won't last forever, but I hate feeling this way. I just want to be back into the rhythm of life. I think I may walk to church tomorrow night. I have nothing else to do and I always loved Christmas Eve services. Maybe it will help me refresh my mind and remember what this season is truly about.

I used to love Christmas, when I wasn't alone. I went all out with a tree, lights, ornaments. Wrapped presents under the tree, holiday scented candles, cheery music on the radio; the whole 9 yards. There is no one here to appreciate it except me, and I frankly don't care this year.

I'll be back to my regular blogging about gross paramedic stuff after the holidays are over, I promise. Until then, you get the randomness of my daily thoughts.

Merry Freaking Christmas everyone!